Helmut Goes Abroad Read online

  Helmut Goes Abroad

  By Matt Sheehan

  Life is pretty good for me, Helmut Haase, dashing detective and ladies’ man extraordinaire. I’m the industrious and charming half of the Fog City Detective Agency. My partner, Shamus O’Sheagan, is the most gifted and lazy Druid this side of the pond, but even he’s settled down with an Amazonian police officer. Together we managed to save the world once already, but our next case is hitting closer to home.

  It all started when an old friend came to our door with a wild story about angel bones and necromancers. The bones belong to Azazel, former hero of the dreaded Cretan Empire, and the necromancers want to bring him back to life. The last thing anyone wants is Azazel to return and start another angelic war.

  When Shamus locates our quarry in the Mediterranean, it’s bye-bye Wudong, hello luxury voyage to Capri, with a girl in every port and downtime to work on my fighting skills. Too bad such pleasures won’t last. Not with a coven of necromancers ready to fight us to the death over those angel bones and the fate of the world...

  Read about Helmut and Shamus’s previous adventure in Helmut Saves the World, available now.

  45,000 words

  Dear Reader,

  Happy October! I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I love October. Not only is it the month in which my daughter was born (ten years ago!!) but I love the weather, the scents and the activities of October. Everything about the month combines to something fun and transporting for me. Of course, I’m sure not everyone feels the same about this fall month, but I’m happy to say we have a great collection of fiction releases to help aid all of you with fun escapes.

  In the spirit of the somewhat paranormal mood of the month, I’ll start with paranormal and fantasy genres. R.L. Naquin returns with an installment in her quirky, fun, romantic urban fantasy Monster Haven series. With Aegises dying all over the world, the only safe place for Zoey is the protection of home—but hiding doesn’t come naturally for Zoey, and she’ll have to act fast to prevent a zombie apocalypse in Demons in My Driveway. And in Dana Marie Bell’s paranormal romance Of Shadows and Ash, when evil attacks from the shadows, dryad Ashton Ward will be the only one who can save his beloved witchdoctor from eternal darkness.

  Matt Sheehan brings back the ever-lovable Helmut and his sidekick in urban fantasy Helmut Goes Abroad. Another round of magic, fistfights and one-liners with the best, most handsome, and of course humble detective Helmut Haase and his apothetic sidekick Shamus O’Sheagan.

  Futurisic romance In the Void by Sheryl Nantus gives us romance set in space—and a brothel spaceship. Answering a distress call can spell the end of the Bonnie Belle and everyone aboard...

  A dragonshifter intent on executing a high-stakes art heist is forced to juggle a wedding, a family and a pesky attraction to her target’s head of security in paranormal romance ’Til Dragons Do Us Part by Lorenda Christensen. April Taylor’s alternate history fantasy Taste of Treason, the second in her Tudor Enigma series, also releases this month. Master Elemancer Luke Ballard has grown his magical powers since his last encounter with the dark sorcerers who will stop at nothing to destroy the English throne. But is he skilled enough to both protect his own and prevent tragedy from reaching the royal family?

  Moving on to contemporary romance releases in October, the last man that handywoman Georgia Lennox expects to break through her tough-as-nails, ugly-duckling exterior is John Montgomery the Third, the millionaire philanthropist she’s worked for in Because I Can by Tamara Morgan.

  In military contemporary romance His Road Home by Anna Richland, a false engagement story gives injured Special Forces Sergeant Rey Cruz a surprise gift: love. Pitch Imperfect by Elise Alden is a contemporary romance in which the last thing celebrity singer Anjuli Carver wanted was to be dependent on her ex-fiancé to restore her dilapidated manor. Will he rebuild her crumbling walls or demolish her defenses with his sexy pursuit?

  Male/male romance Stand By You by A.M. Arthur is the story of a broken soul who finds solace and safety in the company of a gentle janitor—as well as an unexpected chance at real love.

  Last this month, we’re pleased to welcome co-authors Eileen Griffin and Nikka Michaels with In the Raw, part one of a male/male romance duology about culinary students Ethan Martin and James Lassiter. When they find themselves competing for the same scholarship they also discover they’re competing for something more important—love. Look for part two, In the Fire, next month, in November 2014.

  Coming in November 2014: Carina Press and I both celebrate an anniversary. And we have books from a number of powerhouse authors including Josh Lanyon, Shannon Stacey, Lauren Dane and so many more!

  Here’s wishing you a wonderful month of books you love, remember and recommend.

  Happy reading!

  ~Angela James

  Editorial Director, Carina Press

  Acknowledgments

  Thanks once again to Jeff, who did a fantastic job polishing the book. I think you know the characters better than I do.

  For inspiration I would like to thank my wife, Jennifer, as well as Ray, Chris, Dean and Rick.

  And listening to The Strokes and Miles Davis while writing certainly didn’t hurt.

  Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  About the Author

  Copyright

  Chapter One

  Hello again, gentle readers. It is I, Helmut Haase, dashing detective and ladies’ man extraordinaire. For those of you who don’t know, I am the industrious and charming half of the Fog City Detective Agency. When you think of a detective, you probably picture a tall, roguishly handsome man in a trench coat and fedora, interrogating perps and throwing down with criminals. Well, that’s what I see in the mirror every day.

  Shamus, the other half, looks and acts nothing like what one would expect from a private investigator. At less than two meters tall and seventy-five kilos soaking wet, he is definitely not an imposing figure. You’d think he at least he dresses the part, right? Sadly, no. Sha prefers blue jeans and T-shirts, usually with some futbol team’s logo emblazoned across the front. Then at least he must make up for it with a prodigious work ethic and peerless detective skills, right? Ha.

  Shamus O’Sheagan is possibly the most gifted Druid in the world, and likely the only one on this side of the pond. Now I didn’t say best or most powerful. That would imply working hard and honing one’s craft. But he has his moments. When properly motivated, he can crack a cold case wide open by communing with animals, taking a reading off some inanimate object or some other mystical nonsense. And then there is the electrical discharge that happens when he’s scared or threatened. I’ve been on the wrong side of that on more than one occasion.

  Last time we talked, I told you all about my heroic endeavors to make the world safe for democracy. Did I save the world? Perhaps a stretch, but not by much I’d say. It was a crazy few days. Political intrigue, Trojan spies, falle
n Angels and beautiful babies. And to a lesser extent lazy Druids fiddling around with magic.

  Speaking of lazy Druids, Shamus is now part-owner of our favorite hangout, O’Kelly’s Tavern. He used his share of the reward money from our previous case to buy 50 percent ownership in his home away from home. Unfortunately he didn’t factor in the time commitment and how it would cut into his two favorite hobbies: drinking and sleeping.

  I know why he did it. I know because I tried to talk him out of it. He thought he could just hang out at the bar and watch sports while eating free fish-and-chips and drinking all the beer he could pour down his Eirish throat. What he ended up with was a second job, when in fact he never even wanted a first one. When we have a case and I need help, inevitably I have to coax and persuade him to leave the house and help us earn a living. Now in addition to me pestering him, he has Dino Bakas, his new business partner at O’Kellys’s, harping at him to do his fair share.

  Dino is a barrel-chested Mycenaean with jet-black hair and forearms built up to massive proportions from carrying kegs of ale all his adult life. The funny thing is, he doesn’t drink. Now he tastes the brews to make sure they’re not swill before buying from a new vendor, but he doesn’t imbibe for the effects. He’s around drunks every day and has no intention of being one. Root beer is his drink of choice.

  Dino was willing to sell part-ownership of his pride and joy to Shamus O’Sheagan because of the quality brews that Shamus provided to him from time to time to settle his bar tab. His product always sold out fast, and part of the deal was that Shamus would produce a steady stream of a variety of brews. Most, if not all, of Sha’s seed money went to renovating the tavern’s basement and buying top-of-the-line brewing equipment to fill it. Shamus loves making craft brew in his spare time and figured it would be fun making it more often and on a larger scale. The problem is, Shamus hates being told what to do or when to do it. Now he has a schedule and a quota.

  Willie the Wonder Dog quickly became the beloved mascot of O’Kelly’s Tavern. Willie is Shamus’s faithful mutt, and Shamus was unwilling to spend more than a few hours at a time away from him. As an olive branch, Dino furnished Willie a small bed behind the counter. Willie makes his rounds every few hours, cleaning scraps off the floor and greeting the regulars. Everyone loves Willie, and he loves almost everyone. But he still growls at me and pees on the tires of my car. I have a feeling that Shamus trained him to do that, but no solid proof.

  Probably the biggest change in either of our lives had to do with the gentler sex. It’s hard to say which was more shocking—Shamus dating any woman or me dating only one. Shamus, in his drawn-out and clumsy way, was somehow able to woo the physically imposing and strikingly beautiful Officer Phoebe Iphito. After circling each other romantically for what seemed like an eternity, they finally sealed the deal at the conclusion of the Dantalion fiasco. Shamus was on an adrenaline high, having gone toe-to-toe with an angel and lived to tell about it. Phoebe was clearly out of her mind or suffering the effects of some mind-altering disease. Possibly both.

  After that they became inseparable and started calling each other irritating things like baby and sweetie. Occasionally honey. I’m not sure how they decided when to use which term. Possibly by the amount of annoyance that showed on my face at the time of use.

  I really was happy for Shamus. I was, however, jealous of one thing. Willie liked her. I’ve tried to be friends with that lousy mutt over the years, but have gotten nothing for my efforts. I just figured he saw me as competition for Sha’s attention. I had to rethink that when I saw how quickly he took to her.

  Phoebe had him under some sort of spell. He never growled at her or watered her tires, but once it became clear to him Phoebe was here to stay, he started greeting her at the door with a cold beer from the fridge. He even knew to bring her favorite brand. From what I understand, they all slept on Shamus’s bed together. That part I am not jealous of, and I am so glad I have never had any visual confirmation.

  With so much happy homemaking going on at our place of business, I found myself spending more time at my apartment. And I rarely spent my time alone. Joining me on most nights was my new, mostly monogamous friend Katina Allgood. We were both too hip to pin the other down on what kind of relationship we had, but I was finding that my heart really wasn’t in the player’s lifestyle any longer. For better or worse, I felt like I had found my match. Not to say I didn’t fight it as long as I could, but when I woke up beside anyone other than her I was disappointed.

  So that should get you up to speed. Now I realize that I set the crazy bar high last time, fistfighting an angel and all; but while this case was a bit less sensational, it definitely hit closer to home.

  Chapter Two

  The morning started like almost any other. I opened my eyes to find a scantily dressed woman sleeping next to me. As I said before, more often than not it was Katina. If it was Katina I still crept quietly out of bed, but instead of trying to make a mad dash for freedom, I made coffee and breakfast. Today was an exception. I woke up disappointed, and snuck out without waking the bed’s occupant.

  Katina and I had fought the night before, and I’d left her place in the early evening. It was one of those commitment fights that couples have, but ours were weird because neither of us would admit to wanting a commitment. It led to arguments that were vague and frustrating. So we were both angry and wouldn’t admit why we were angry to each other or ourselves. I gunned the roadster on the way home, taking the turns faster than was safe and blasting some of Sha’s ridiculous garage-band music that he left in the player.

  The night wasn’t a complete loss. I bumped into my neighbor Shannon, whom I admit I had my eye on for quite some time, in the elevator, and she ended up inviting me up to her place for a nightcap. It was a purely physical nightcap; no drinking involved. She didn’t seem to mind. We also did a number to her bed frame, but again, she didn’t seem to mind. The poor lass. I left her with the memories of a lifetime and the somber knowledge that those memories will never be equaled again. Yin and yang, baby.

  I went upstairs to my place to shower and change, then over to Goody’s for breakfast. I don’t enjoy cooking for just myself, and even Shamus approves of this joint’s coffee. I had a plate full of pancakes and a side of bacon. The bacon had just the right amount of crispness. The effects of improperly cooked bacon can be detrimental to one’s overall health and happiness. Wars have started for less.

  I read the paper while I finished my coffee. The waitress seemed content to keep filling my cup and touching my arm, so I did my part and kept drinking it. We were between cases and I really didn’t have to be anywhere. The front page had a second article—the first having run the week before—about a group of illegals crashing the border check at the docks.

  In general it had gotten much harder for foreign nationals to get into the States in the time since Shamus and I had a decade prior. We arrived just after the Great Expansion, when people poured in from the Keltic territories, Mycenae and to a lesser extent Bharat, Zhongguo and Egypt—looking for land, work and most importantly freedom. The idea of a pure democracy was a foreign concept, but one that intrigued the huddled masses yearning to be free.

  Well, that’s what I learned in middle-school history at least. There are many gaps in my education for a variety of reasons, but the ones pertaining to early Hesperian history come down to Bethany McCullah and her shapely legs. It was really hard paying attention in class with wee Beth sitting so close, and in the flower of her youth. One day I simply noticed she existed. We had gone to school together for years apparently, but she was part of the feminine half of the class that I didn’t pay any attention to. Until one day I did and everything changed. So you’ll understand if I missed a few important bits while staring at Beth’s legs.

  When Shamus and I came over to the States, our first stop was the immigration inspection station on a small island
overlooking Megapolis. They checked us for contraband, fed us, gave us a quick physical and asked us about family and employment. We lied and said we had family who had lined up jobs for us on the West Coast. They were happy enough with that answer and sent us on our way with complimentary bus tickets and a sack lunch.

  Nowadays you can’t even get to that little island without prior authorization from the central government. They actually verify the stuff we all just lied about. Sometimes people try to stow away on a ship on its way over, but when they’re caught, they’re sent right back. And usually on a slower, dirtier ship. The last part is opinion, but likely true. Some people really don’t want to go back, so you get stories in the newspaper about problems at inspection stations. There is one off the coast here as well, which is where the newspaper story I read about took place. Most of the traffic on that island hails from the Orient.

  I settled my bill and left a tip, but forgot to leave my number for the cute waitress who was fond of touching my arm. Katina really had me rattled. I was off my game, and that poor young girl paid the price.

  To take my mind off Katina on the drive to the office, I thought about what to do with my half of the gold from the previous caper. I was well aware that money doesn’t necessarily buy happiness. Shamus was proof of that, but I was hell-bent on trying. It wasn’t enough to retire on a mostly deserted island, or even where I was living now—not with the standard of living I had grown accustomed to. It would fund a grand retirement account at a reasonable age, what with compounding interest and all, but that was never going to happen. And honestly, I like my work. Whatever I chose had to enhance my life, not change it. Like the car I was riding in. State-of-the-art, flashy and fast.

  When I pulled up to the property, Phoebe was just getting into her car. Not as nice as mine. Foreign and economical. Paid for with a public servant’s salary. However she does get to shoot people in the line of duty, so there are perks. I assumed she was on her way to the office, but moments later she was getting back out of her car with her gun in her hand and a concerned look on her face. I pulled up beside her and hopped out.